The Independent Student Newspaper of Northern Kentucky University.

The Northerner

The Poop Scoop

Keith Wilson

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You’re in class, and you’re concentrating so hard that your body is tensing up and you begin to sweat. As you strain to write your answer, you snap your pencil lead and give in. You’re going to have to have to make “doo” (literally) here at school, and since only the geese are allowed making their squat stop outside, you’re going to have to take a seat on the porcelain throne and make yourself the king or queen of your own 3X3 stall. But don’t worry, The Northerner is here for those of you who make going No.2 your No. 1 priority with all the best (and worst) Northern Kentucky University potty locations to do your unspeakable business. Now when a male and female meet, the girl looks first at the guy’s eyes, and the guy … well. For that primordial reason, when rating the restrooms on campus, the male members of our staff came up with their own criterion and the female staff members did so as well. The guys graded their homes away from home on how messy the floor was, how funny or offensive the graffiti was, how well the stalls were kept up and the amount of toilet paper stocked in each stall. The ladies were more concerned with how clean, well lit, well stocked (as in tampons/pads), how spacious each bathroom was, and whether or not it included a full-length mirror.

BEP

Girls, if looking at your full-length self in the mirror is one of your musts for the day, avoid using the bathroom in the Business, Education and Psychology Building. None of the bathrooms have the full-length mirrors we know and love. The bathrooms are well lit, with lots of space. The day the Northerner ladies checked it out, it was clean, and the dispensers both shot out the required tampon and pad.

The Northerner guys weren’t as concerned with such frilly luxuries. Doors on the stalls? Check (and any guy who’s gone to a public school knows how important that one is). Adequate toilet paper? Well

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The Independent Student Newspaper of Northern Kentucky University.
The Poop Scoop