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The Northerner

Really Weird: Elderly Heroes, used cars and grammar; Oh, and orgasms


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YET ANOTHER THING MEN LIE ABOUT: ORGASMS

A new survey has revealed something unexpected that men lie about: orgasms. Forty-eight percent of males polled by Lavalife.com, Canada’s premier dating Web site, have faked an orgasm, The Calgary Sun reported March 8. The survey consisted of approximately 9,100 men.

THIEF TRIES TO PUT “POOR” IN “PURLOIN”

The FBI has dubbed a California robber the “English Major Bandit” because his demand notes are so full of grammatical and spelling errors. DailyBreeze.com reported Feb. 28 that although police released photos of the burglar, they have yet to catch the thief, who also apologizes for the robberies.

WOMAN USES BABY TO PURCHASE CAR

Police in Pueblo, Colo., arrested three individuals on charges that they were trading a 5-month-old infant for a used car and cash, CNN.com reported Feb. 27. All three were Mexican nationals, and federal officials were called in to investigate what their immigration status was.

100-YEAR-OLD-MAN FIGHTS OFF ATTACKERS ONE-SIXTH HIS AGE

The Daily Record reported Feb. 28 that a centenarian fought off three teenage muggers. The trio of teens accosted the man after he left a London pub, but he ferociously began punching and kicking them. After he struck one in the groin, the teens scampered off without the man’s money.

APE ESCAPE GOES HORRIBLY WRONG

Zoo officials in Tokyo terrified children, reducing many to tears, while drilling for an emergency, The Daily Mail reported Feb. 27. A worker wearing an orangutan costume pretended to break out of the primate cage, initially frightening some schoolchildren. Then the kids watched, bawling, as the ape collapsed, feigning being shot by a tranquilizer dart.

COPS THINK BOMB IS A BONG, BUT OWNER CORRECTS THEM

When officers first entered the Wittenberg, Wis., man’s apartment, they believed one of his constructions was a marijuana pipe, the Green Bay Press-Gazette reported March 6. The intoxicated owner quickly pointed out that it was actually his bomb. A police search turned up no explosives in the apartment, but he was charged with possessing an improvised explosive device.

MAN, 81, RESCUES A WOMAN FROM A SINKING CAR

An 81-year-old jumped into a pond in Volusia County, Fla., and wrenched a 200-pound woman from her sinking automobile, saving her from drowning after she drove into a lake, a CBS affiliate reported Feb. 23. The man doesn’t consider himself a hero, but instead says he simply ran to the submerged sedan, leapt in and pulled her out without hesitation.

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The Independent Student Newspaper of Northern Kentucky University.
Really Weird: Elderly Heroes, used cars and grammar; Oh, and orgasms