Apple iPod becomes latest craze

The Apple iPod exploded into the consciousness of America. They have become an obsession, a compulsion that must be fed.

Apple reports that during their fiscal second quarter, which ended on March 26, 2005, they sold 5.3 million units. That represents a 558 percent increase over the same period last year. Even the president of the United States has one.

Your playlist has become the window to your soul. A Washington Post article on iPod thefts convinced me of how enamored we have become with the portable music players. People spoke of them in an almost human manner. They spoke of the deep depression that accompanied their loss and the difficulty of moving on.

I had to remind myself that the iPod was an inanimate object. They spoke in such eloquent and reverend terms that I was truly moved. I had to go hug my own iPod and just hold it, I don’t even know why.

The iPod has become your best friend and closest companion. We feel sorry for the people who have yet to purchase one and horrified at the thought of them being alone. How sad it must be not to have an iPod. We need to set up a hotline to help those poor desolate souls. This will become the next big celebrity cause.

Imagine life before the personal computer. Before Al Gore invented the Internet. We look back 25 years and feel sorry for that generation and the hardships that they endured. How simple life was back then. Imagine growing up without an iPod, the horror of which is unfathomable. How hard life must have been for my parents before the iPod. I have a four-year-old that cannot live without her iPod. Her playlist consists of Kim Possible and Lizzie McGuire songs. I cannot imagine trying to separate her from it. Her generation will grow up unaware of the struggle life presented before the iPod. How crude and cruel it must have been without the window to your soul, a best friend and closest companion.

The iPod has become a hot commodity. Thieves prey on them because they are small, valuable and easy to sell. They do not have your social security numbers or bank numbers, but in many ways they contain more valuable information. It is not identity theft but it does steal your identity. These thieves are breaking the window to your soul, shattering it for the world to view, leaving behind nothing but the naked soul. These soulless mercenaries must be stopped.

These little frames contain a glimpse into your personality. The music you listen to reveals a lot about your personality. Country, rock, pop, classical or hip-hop gives the outside world a view of your soul. It defines you as a person more than the car you drive or the clothes you wear.

Music makes us feel good about ourselves. It inspires us to work out. Sad songs give us the relief that somebody else feels our pain, that we are not alone. There is music for every mood and to put us in the mood. We remember our lives by the music playing at particular times. Hearing the song again brings back the happy or sad memories. Nothing else can invoke such strong feelings as music. Nothing can leave you as despondent as the loss of an iPod.

Soon psychologists and psychiatrists will be booked non-stop to cure iPod separation anxiety.