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The Northerner

Avoid unwanted reunions

Matt Stanton

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Everywhere you go on campus, it seems you see someone that you worked with or went to high school with. This isn’t always an ideal situation. Last week, I found myself in a predicament of seeing someone I didn’t want to talk to.

The school day started out just as many do. I was walking on campus, just being cool. It was a sunny day, the wind whisking across my curly hair. This day couldn’t get much better, but soon a dark cloud would arise in front of me. A lurking creature was about to ruin my day. As I passed the grass knoll in front of the art building, out of the corner of my eye I saw Agent X. Agent X is the annoying kid from your past that you just can’t hide from. Typically, Agent X is dressed in some form of Batman shirt or leather boots with army shorts.

I had to think fast. I made the unfortunate mistake of attempting to hide behind a group of students. I was almost in the clear, until his spider-sense keyed him off.

“Stanton!” he exclaimed.

Agent X only uses last names. Apparently, he felt the one time I said “hi” in the hallway five years ago justified a close, creepy kinship.

I had been spotted. The time was now. I had to dash into the art building. Looking back I could tell that he was hot on my trail. No matter how fast I walked, he was gaining ground. He had a perverted grin and glazed look in his eye. It looked like he was just floating on air, using a tractor-beam to suck me toward him. I darted into the senior art show gallery and jumped behind a pillar.

I had my bag over head and was breathing deep. I glanced over to each side and saw nothing. Had I escaped? Was Agent X finally gone? I looked into the hallway and no one was there. I started walking down the hallway when suddenly, a hand grabbed my shoulder.

“Hey Stanton. What is up, dude?”

No! My day was ruined. Agent X had me in his grasp. It was too late for me. For the next hour, I had to hear anecdotes from a mad man.

“Yeah, I majored in RTV, but my adviser just didn’t understand me.

“Yeah, I’m dating this hot new chick. It could be serious. She gets out of high school next month.”

Norse, don’t let this happen to you. Don’t let Agent X get you. Be safe, Norse, and please, study with caution.

Last week, one of my idols of comedy died. Mitch Hedberg was a great comedian and an even better person. I know a lot of my fellow students enjoyed him and will miss him dearly. Bye, Mitch.

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The Independent Student Newspaper of Northern Kentucky University.
Avoid unwanted reunions