Fight end-of-semester slump

Spring Break was a few weeks ago, giving the student body a much-needed break in the action. This gave us time to relax and forget about school for a few days. The problem that arises from this is that when you come back, you don’t have the energy to keep going. You see no light at the end of the tunnel, just a mound of homework and exams that seem to pile up like chicken bones at happy hour.

Fear not, fellow students, I am here to help. I shall bestow my insight on the matter of getting through these final weeks of the semester alive, and have a little bit of fun, too.

First and foremost, we must keep our cool and continue going to class. I know how much that cozy bed feels so soft and nice in the morning, especially after a week of sleeping in until 2 p.m. It always holds you tight and doesn’t judge you.

“I love you, Matt. I think your research paper was wonderful. Don’t leave me,” your bed calls out.

You must stay strong.

“No, Serta, I have to go to class.”

“Matt, your teachers are so mean and harsh. Stay with me. You will always get an A in sleep 101.”

Don’t let it get to you. Leave that bed of lies. Get off of that futon of deception. Get out that door and don’t look back.

It might not be your problem of having the will to get out of bed. Some students get to school and they just can’t find motivation. For these students, we call upon help from Mother Nature. In April, the sun starts to peak out and the temperature rises. This can only mean one thing: summer wardrobe. The scenery on campus gets better and better the warmer it gets. No matter what your taste is, you will find attractiveness at every corner. Whether it is girls with tight shirts and skirts or guys in muscle T’s and shorts, everybody on campus can agree, “Daddy like!”

Finals are the most difficult time of any part of the school year. Your knowledge is tested at the highest level. Unfortunately, there is no way of getting around this. I know it stinks, but you have to bite the bullet and study, but try turning it into a positive. You know those heavenly bodies I just talked about. They have to study to.

Jackpot! Get that special someone you have been eyeing since January and form a study group. Your grades will improve and maybe a match made in heaven will arrive. Just don’t be creepy.

“Hey do you want to study anatomy in my dorm room?” never works, especially if you are an English major.

Don’t worry, school is almost out. Just work hard these next few weeks and it will all work out. Before you know it, you will be hanging out by the pool and partying with your friends. So I say to you, check out the hotties Norse, and study with caution.

Matt Stanton is a junior liberal arts major at NKU and a stand-up comedian. You can contact Matt at