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The Northerner

Prepare to schedule with caution

Matt Stanton

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Registration for the fall semester is fast approaching, and Northern Kentucky University students are mapping out their course of action. This can be a tedious task for students, so the university has appointed academic advisers to assist the troubled student population.

Though the proper intentions may be present, the adviser meeting can be hazardous to one’s health. How can you survive the dreadful adviser meeting? Don’t worry, because our old friend, Missy Knoitall is back to save us once again. Her knowledge of college life once again can prove helpful.

First and foremost, Knoitall suggests looking up information about the classes that you want to take.

You have to know what you are getting yourself into. There have been occurrences of students not knowing the difference between geography and geology. Imagine the embarrassment of showing up to the first day class with your globe in hand and all you see are people studying rocks. If you don’t know the meaning of the discipline then don’t take it. Knoitall adds that political science doesn’t count as a lab requirement for graduation.

NKU has a large faculty because of the amount of students enrolled. There is a good chance that you won’t know every instructor. This is where your adviser steps in and can be a very helpful tool. With this being said, Missy Knoitall waves a flag of caution. In order to understand your adviser, you must speak the ancient language of Advik, the native language of the lost empire of Advisory. These are the ancestors of the modern day adviser.

Knoitall gives us a few examples to help in your decision-making. If your adviser tells you, “that you will learn a lot,” run! That phrase is Advik for “instructor who breaks souls.” On the other hand, if your adviser tells you “the instructor is fun,” sign up quickly. That phrase means you’ll get an A for showing up. That teacher would let you have a keg party in class and not care.

Now that you have your classes picked out, you have to lay them out into a schedule. Knoitall believes that a student should know their limits when it comes to scheduling. If you are not a morning person, don’t have all of you classes start at 8 a.m. I know that if I had class that early, most of the time Public Safety could give me a DUI. The early bird gets the worm, but if you are the kind of person who eats that worm out of the bottom of a tequila bottle, then maybe a later time is good for you.

Finally, don’t be scared of your adviser meeting. They are great resources to help you graduate before 50 Cent wins a Nobel Peace prize. With Ms. Knoitall’s help, you will not be an adviser meeting victim. Learn Advik Norse, and study with caution.

Matt Stanton is a junior liberal arts major at NKU and a stand-up comedian. You can contact Matt at stantonm@nku.edu.

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The Independent Student Newspaper of Northern Kentucky University.
Prepare to schedule with caution