The Independent Student Newspaper of Northern Kentucky University.

The Northerner

Did you hear the one about…

James Proffitt

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You’d think by the time we left junior high, most people would have given up the he-said she-said gossip routine. When we got to high school, we found out we were wrong. Many had, though clearly not everyone. When we got to college, you’d think that even more people would have abandoned the gossip drill, simply because of how annoying it is. Unfortunately, again, for some people that didn’t happen. Usually it doesn’t seem to be too bad.

Lately though, that hasn’t been the case. Everywhere I turn on campus, someone is talking about someone else in a very unflattering light. Not only that, but many of the things being said aren’t even true. So, in order to use my journalistic power to do something positive, I am going to take this opportunity to dispel some of the biggest rumors going around campus.

That dude in Bio. 120 with the weird hair is cheating on his girlfriend with some chick in his class who always wears these really cool t-shirts. – Okay, first of all, I know this dude. I’ve known him for almost 2 whole months now, because he sat behind me before. Granted, we don’t talk very much, but when we do, there’s like a bond or something. You know? Anyway, I asked him straight up; I said “Dude, are you cheating on your girlfriend with that one chick?” And he was like “Fred, I would tell you if I was. And no, I’m not.” (by the way, he calls me Fred because he doesn’t know my real name, and I’ve just never bothered to correct him. Isn’t that funny?)

That one professor who carries a briefcase will let students turn in homework late if you have a really good excuse. -This is probably the most ridiculous rumor the bunch, because, it’s like, I’ve had this professor, okay.

And the teacher won’t let you turn in late homework. The other week I was like “I like crashed my car and some junk, and I really did do my homework, but it was eaten by my contest winning pet hamster, who was also in the crash and his pet, Mr. Joey, the cat.” (Remember, details are the key to a great lie). However, that person didn’t even care. The professor just said “I don’t take late homework.” What a geek-burger!

The one guy that’s always chilling out by the lake is like totally stressed out about this test grade he got back. – Not true. Not even talkin’ ’bout it.

These are only a few of the rumors going around NKU right now.

But this just goes to show you, don’t believe everything you hear. I know that these are all really really interesting trinkets of information, but still, resist the urge to pursuing them.

Because if you do get caught up in rumors, before you know it, you’ll be that person who always eats in the cafeteria that is going to sell a car just to have enough money to hire a lawyer. You’re hiring a lawyer, of course, because you’re suing the dollar store for selling you a fifty cent candy bar…or at least that’s what people will say.

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The Independent Student Newspaper of Northern Kentucky University.
Did you hear the one about…